Why you shouldn't use TinyTIM:

The DON'T GO THERE List

• If you don't like reading, TinyTIM isn't for you. Since it's all based in text, there's no splashy graphics or sound to keep your attention. TinyTIM is not TinyNINTENDO; it's a consensual description of another place with lots and lots of wry commentary. Most importantly, it's a lot of reading. If you hate reading, Don't go there.

• If you expect to find yourself in the middle of a computerized Ultima/Dungeons and Dragons/Car Wars/Steve Jackson Games kill/maim/disturb-fest that will challenge you to balance your hit points and weapons charges with the skills of other warriors across the nation, TinyTIM isn't for you. We're here to have a lot of fun socially interacting with others, and making our lives a little more goofy and fun. There are some challenging areas on TIM, places you can wander around in, maybe even solving conflicts and puzzles, not to mention the really neat social puzzles/conflicts you'll find in the other players. But if your idea of a TinyGame is meeting new and interesting people and blowing them up into smithereens, Don't go there.

• If you use other Tinygames and you really really dig a strong theme based around a series of books or a widespread film, TinyTIM will severely disappoint you. Our primary themes are "Be goofy to each other" and "Talk about something amazingly funny and interesting." We're not based on any series of books, and if you really stretch it, you might say we're based a little on Monty Python and the Holy Grail, but even then you'll find that the ten thousand rooms on-line don't enter with that theme. This isn't to say there isn't role-playing on TIM; in fact there's quite a bit of it, with Pern and Anthropomorphic critters and all that sort of fun stuff, but it's not enforced. We don't care if you go "In Character" or "Out of Character", and we find it fun when people from two entirely different sets of role-playing themes interact. If you want some sort of homogenized one-world theme, Don't go there.

• If you're looking for a date, go out to dance clubs or bars and meet people that way; MUDs aren't the best place to look for lovers. Oh, sure, it's possible to do it, and it's been done before. However, the road to Virtual Love is strewn with the long-distance phone calls, the bitter reprisals, the soap-operaish monologues in the public areas from jilted lovers. Stick to a local dating service. TIM isn't for people who must get "love" tonight. Don't go there.

• If you expect everyone you meet to drop everything they're doing and entertain you, you're in for some disappointment. We're happy to meet you and get to know you, but we don't live to make your life fun. We don't worship anyone, except maybe TIM, and he doesn't care, so it doesn't matter.

• Most importantly, if you view the Internet as just one amazingly huge toy, where you can get to play with the heads of all the cute little words that go by on the screen on IRC or MUDs, then we really don't want you. TIM is not just some cheap chat program where you get to say lots of nice profanity and watch the reaction; it's a place full of people who want to have a good time and interact with each other in a humorous fashion. Don't go there.

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• Try out TIM! (telnet yay.tim.org 5440) You've decided these reasons not to play don't apply to one so funky as yourself!